Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Profound Thoughts

My friend Cathy wrote a recent post about how she can never think what to write when she is in front of her computer; how her profound thoughts always strike her when she's doing something else. For me, my most profound thoughts strike while I'm driving down the road, by myself. I work in town, and J-Bo is in daycare out near my house. So, I usually have a twenty-five minute drive, each way, to think and listen to the radio. My thoughts range from the profound (I was recently struck by the truth that time isn't linear) to the the mundane (generally a grocery list or dinner menu). So, on the way home this evening, I was thinking about the way the Bible calls us to behave. Now, I do NOT believe that you have to behave in a certain way, or "earn" your way to Heaven. I believe that if you love the Lord, you will want to behave in ways that please Him. The Bible just tells us what those ways are.

So, today, as I'm driving down the road, I was thinking the following: 1) No one in this town can drive except me (present company excepted, of course); 2) I do not like sharing the road with people who cannot drive; 3) Life would be a lot easier if the Bible called us to "share our feelings." For example, it would be a lot nicer if the Bible called us to really let the lady who cut us off have it - just let her know how we feel. Or that guy on his cell phone who almost ran us out of the road at the interstate interchange. I'd really like to get up close and personal with him. But I have the Christian fish symbol on my car, and a bumper sticker advertising the Christian radio station in this area on my back glass. So, I am attempting to live up to that witnesss, and behave as Christ would.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll take the bus . . .

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Can you know?

My husband and I went to see Third Day in concert a while back with some friends. They put on an AWESOME show. I truly enjoyed the experience, and the music was just fantastic. The opening act, The David Crowder Band, was also very entertaining. I would definitely go see either of them in concert again!

One of my favorite parts of the show was when Third Day's lead singer, Mac Powell, spoke about his daughter Scout, who is six years old, coming to know the Lord. He was happy, of course, but he said he wondered deep inside if his daughter really knew what she was doing, what she was saying. He wondered if she knew what salvation was all about, what God was all about, or if she was just moving forward on limited understanding.

I've been thinking about this recently, with all of my job changes coming up in the next couple of months, and J-Bo's biological parents beginning to approach their release dates.

He said that God spoke to him - not literally, but in the stillness of his heart - and told him, "You don't know. Do you think you have any better understanding of my nature than she does?"

I fully understand that I don't fully understand the nature of God. I love Him, and He loves me, and He's watching out for my family. But I think that my children, with their wide-eyed belief and firm, unshakeable faith in the Lord and His love for them, and His creation, probably have a better idea of God's nature than I do, with my questions and doubts.

My children continuously test me, frustrate me, and drive me nuts. But, at times like this, they inspire me, too.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


You know, tonight for some reason, I keep thinking about how much my life has changed since my oldest son was born. J-Rooni is six, and he just seems so big to me right now. I don't know why, but for some reason, the changes in my life have just struck me very much. For example, I took the two older boys to Bible Study tonight. My husband gets migraines, and he had a bad one tonight. So, the baby, J-Bo, stayed at home with him, and I took the older two with me. Why, might you ask, did this trigger soul searching and introspection? Perhaps, you might say, it was a message from my gifted pastor, or something one of my brothers or sisters in Christ may have said while we were fellowshiping (Christianese for talking) after the study. Or perhaps even the lesson my children learned while they were there that struck me just so.

Nope. Not even close. Tonight, it was the water that the four year old, B-Boo, dumped on me that made me think. He did not want to leave when we were done, because he wanted a turn to play the drums on the stage. It's a church with a contemporary service, and we have a wonderful praise band. The guy who runs the soundboard lets the children come up on the stage after church and, with his direct supervision, play the drums and learn about the musical instruments. I have not yet let B-Boo experience this - or rather, I have not yet forced the church to endure him on a set of drums. He's loud enough with the instruments God gave him; I've not seen any reason to gift him with "musical" instruments. He got very upset at me, not only for not letting him play, but for causing him to spill his water when I held his arm and made him walk back down the steps with me. He actually threw the cup at me, with the little water that was in it. Now, I will grant him some leeway because it was an hour past his bedtime, he was very hungry, and he had already had a rough day. But even given that, there is no excuse for what he did. So, I held his arm, made him walk to the row of chairs, sat him down, and got J-Rooni ready to roll. I gathered all of their stuff, my Bible, notebook and cell phone, and we climbed up in the car.

What do you mean, you're still not seeing it? You don't see the reason for my introspection yet?
As I got in the car and prepared to go through the Burger King drive thru, it struck me that I had just handled a scene. I had been by myself with both bigger boys, and there was a lot going on, and I took control and did what I needed to do and handled it. If you had been inside my head during those awful days after J-Rooni was born, when it didn't seem like I would ever be in control of even myself; or part of my family during those first months when J-Bo came to live with us and things were so crazy, I wondered if I was destroying my family by trying to save him, you would see it. You would see how far I have come.

I'm not saying that I am completely all together, or the best mom ever, or any other ridiculous blather. But I'm saying I'm okay. I'm making it, I've got it as together as it's ever going to get around here, and I'm raising great kids.

And that, especially that, makes it all worth it.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Well, just to fill in the three of you who actually read this, lol, I am now typing this on my new laptop computer! Yep, I'm moving on up in the world, to a laptop. And I now have DSL at home. So, I'll actually be able to update this.

I hope you all are ready -- my brain has been very busy while my computer has been down. And of course, I'm sure you're absolutely dying to know what my three little "angels" have been up to!!