I am terrified. I am scared stiff. I have finally told my work that I can no longer afford to keep my children in daycare full time, particularly this summer when the older two are out of school. Nate has a good job now, and things are going pretty well. We're broke all of the time, but somehow I think that we won't be any more broke without my full income, because the cut in daycare will break even. But the money is not even really why I'm so scared. I really want to know, am I doing the right thing?
There is a joke that I'm sure you know, about a man whose home town is flooding. He is in his house, and the water is up on the porch, when his neighbors leave in their john boat. They ask him to come along, and he says, "No, God will save me." The water continues to rise, and the man is up on his second story, when the National Guard come through in their boat. He refuses to leave with them, saying, "No, God will save me." The water gets even higher, and he's up on his roof when an Army helicopter comes by and tries to get him. He refuses, saying, "No, God will save me." The man drowns, and stands before God. He says, "God, where were You? I thought You would save me." God looks at the man and says, "I sent you two boats and a helicopter."
I want to do what the Lord wants me to do. I want to do His will. But what is His will? We have prayed, and read, and studied, and I feel we are doing the best thing we can. But I still wonder, are we stepping out on faith, cutting my income this way? Are we doing God's will, trusting in Him to provide financially for our family, and putting our focus on the other, much more important aspects of life? Or is God saying, "I sent you a good job. I have provided for you."
Has he sent me two boats and a helicopter?
I don't think I can know at this point. I am reminded of my very favorite poem, credited Anonymous, which I feel must have been written by someone facing a life-changing decision, and I think it describes where we stand right now:
When you have come to the edge
of all the light you know
and are about to step off
into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing
one of two things will happen:
There will be something solid to stand on,
or you will be taught how to fly.
So, please pray for us, as we step off . . .