Our doctor visit (LONG - sorry)

The younger two children had their annual checkups today. They are both growing well and developing well. We had, generally, a good report from their doctor. Blaine had to have three shots, which made me cry, but all in all I got a good report.

The only catch is, Blaine was awful. I mean, awful. I mean, tearing the cover of the exam table into little pieces; refusing to look the doctor in the eye, on his hands and knees, rocking, while the doctor tried to ask him questions. He would make statements that had nothing to do with the question just asked.

As you know if you know us, we have been concerned about Blaine's behavior for some time. One of our main reasons for homeschooling this year was to just see if it would make a difference in Blaine's attention span, in his ability to focus on a school day. He has always been what I would describe as a "wide open" little boy. His pre-K teacher loved him, I think (he's hard not to love!), but it got to the point that he was in time out multiple times in a day at school. The final straw was the afternoon he stood next to me at the sink and said, "Mommy, why can't I make better choices? I must be the stupidest little boy God ever made." I have tears in my eyes as I type this, just remembering the rock-solid feeling in my gut from that moment.

I thought he was getting better. It seemed to me that he was growing in his ability to do "school work," to behave appropriately in these kinds of circumstances. I mean, he is young -- he just turned five. But how long can this be an excuse?

I have always been against medication for ADD and ADHD, except for in the most extreme of circumstances. Nate and I both have family members who drug their perfectly normal little boys, because they want them to act like miniature grown ups.

Today, in this doctor's appointment, I addressed his behavior with our doctor. I told him that I did not think Blaine had a problem, beyond being a very active little boy of a mommy who had tried to fit too much into one day (Up early; to Bible Study where he had to sit; home to do schoolwork where he had to sit; no nap; to the Laundromat to wash the comforters, where he couldn't run; to the doctor). I told him about Blaine's academic abilities, and the behavioral things we do to control him when he reaches the point we call "meltdown."

I wanted him to say I was right. I wanted him to say Blaine was not acting in any way different than a little boy should. I wanted to hear that there was no need for anything further, that there was obviously nothing wrong with my little boy.

Instead, I heard that attention disorders don't affect just children who can't do school work -- that some children, who enjoy schoolwork like Blaine does, can focus on workbooks and such for hours but still have a "problem." I heard him say that he didn't know what would happen if we tested him. To me, as the mom, that means there is some possibility -- probably a good one, knowing this doctor the way I do and knowing how cautiously he phrases things -- that my child would end up "diagnosed" with something, labeled. Forever. I was told that as long as we felt we had a good handle on him through our behavioral techniques, it was fine to continue exactly the way we are.

I sit here now, a little shocked -- a little stunned. I know this seems worse to me than it is.

But it is not what I wanted to hear.